We have taken quite a hiatus from blogging and definitely want to get back into it. It wasn’t lack of content material, or lack of time, and a part of me wants to blame my pregnancy but the reality of it all is laziness. I would get back from work and be completely exhausted and pass out. The last time we posted was about St. Patrick’s day and some how we have jumped all the way to Labor day in the blink of an eye and felt the best way to get back into blogging is to share our “labor day” story.
So back in December of 2018, we found out we were pregnant. Our journey to pregnancy was a bit of a bumpy road. We had an early miscarriage earlier in the year and tried our best not to dwell too much on it and to our surprise we got pregnant again pretty quickly. I had been praying for a baby for awhile and I found myself in church praying about it as I usually had and felt a calming presence telling me to pray for the baby inside me. I know this is absolute craziness to nonbelievers but to those who believe in the Lord, a sign from him affirming the answer to your prayers is a defining moment often in your life. Low and behold, took a pregnancy test on Jaison’s birthday, and we celebrated the great news. We held back on getting too crazy and telling family yet, until things could be confirmed at the doctor.
Once things were confirmed, I had to call my new job that I was starting in January and let them know that there will be two of us starting next year ;) My due date was August 23rd which meant that I was going to get to experience the entire lovely summer, pregnant. We had a couple hiccups in the beginning of the pregnancy as well. In the first ultrasound, there was a possibility of two fetuses there but only one was clearly identified. Before the next ultrasound, I experienced some bleeding and the ultrasound only showed one fetus in the next one, with the other possible fetus completely gone, a phenomenon referred to as a vanishing twin. ( I hesitated to post about the miscarriage and vanishing twin but I felt it was necessary to share to know that the road to parenthood isn’t always easy. And if you’ve been struggling to conceive or carry a child to full term, we just wanted you to know that you are not alone.) There’s often no explanation on why things occur the way they do but you take your experiences and make the most of it and allow yourself to grow from it. Easier said than done, that’s for sure.
The rest of the first trimester and second trimester was smooth sailing other than typical morning sickness and fatigue. Third trimester was going pretty well too. I found myself having to slow down but other than that, no complaints. Since most of my family and friends are still in Chicago, we had an early baby shower there. I had one of my usual follow ups in mid June, where I was told that the baby and I look great and we were at where we needed to be. She asked me about birthing classes and I said I hadn’t taken any yet and I asked if i needed to and do I need a birthing plan because the only plan I have so far is getting the baby out of me. She reassured me that she thinks I’ll be fine and that I have some more time to decide that. I remember the week of the 17th in June, telling one of my coworkers that I feel like the baby is dropping lower but it must be me imagining things because it’s way too soon. In the midst of all this, my in-laws who lived in Houston were retiring and moving to India. They sold their house and were planning to stay with us for a week and a half before they moved. They were scheduled to fly out on the 25th and as their stay with us was coming to an end, we planned a couple fun things to do. It was Saturday, the 22nd and we decided we would do a family pampering day, and go out and eat and finish some last minute shopping. While they were doing some shoe shopping, I ran over to the baby section of the store next door to find a onsie that had something fun about daddy. I could feel myself slowing down and knew I probably wouldn’t be making many more shopping trips in this Texas heat . I finally stumbled upon a cute one that said, “ain’t no daddy like the one I got”. We finally returned home after a long day and i was completely exhausted. I told Jaison that I had to go lie down and I started having significant cramps. I didn’t make much of it until they started getting a little more intense and I started bleeding. I discreetly told Jaison because I didn’t want to get his family worried. Jaison suggested I call the doctor and they said if the pain and bleeding persists in an hour, to come into the hospital. So here I am trying to tell myself that everything is ok. I tried timing the cramps but didn’t see a pattern with it. I confidently concluded to Jaison that they must be Braxton Hick’s contractions but he said lets just go to the hospital since you’re still bleeding. I said okay, I know its past midnight but I’m going to take a shower, what if they keep me for observation or something, I want to feel clean. (Looking back, I don’t quite know why it didn’t phase me that I should have packed a bag if I thought I was going to stay overnight.) So i quickly got ready as the pain was worsening and we told his family that we’ll be back, just going to the hospital to confirm that everything is okay.
The hospital is about 10 miles from our house but it seemed like one of the longest car rides I’d ever taken. The pain started intensifying as I’m gripping the sides of the passenger seat as Jaison calmly talks about random things to get my mind off the pain. Then he casually says, “Yeah, I don’t think you should go to work Monday in this condition.” I remember just giving him a look and trying to hold back the desire to smack him over the head. As we pulled up to the hospital, Jaison dropped me off at the door so he could park. (I tend to miss the obvious things in front of me as it is and being in this much pain, I failed to read the sign to buzz yourself in, in order for the hospital doors to open during after hours.) After struggling with trying to get the door open, I called the hospital and they explained how to get in. Jaison and I rushed to the elevator and got ourselves to labor and delivery. I of course am still convinced that this is just Braxton Hicks contractions and I found myself trying to explain that to the front desk but I couldn’t even get out the sentence without wincing in pain. They got me in a room right away to check what was going on and they let me know that I was halfway through labor and that I was going to have the baby. We called home to both our parents to let them know that the baby is on her way. I was in so much shock with so much going on through my head. How could I possibly be having the baby at 31 weeks? Is she going to be okay? What caused this? (Why didn’t Jaison listen to me and assemble the baby’s crib?) But there was no time for questions. They rushed me to the delivery room and .put me on an IV and gave me magnesium to help mature the baby’s lungs. I opted for an epidural and I remember signing a bunch of papers but at that point, you could have gotten me to sign anything. The magnesium made me so loopy, that the sweet nurse I had, Tera, had me balance my forehead on hers as I held her hands so that I could stay still for the epidural. After that was all over, they said labor could be up to 12 hours so just lay down. I told Tera that I was going to try to take a nap and she told me that if I feel a lot of pressure, to let her know but in the mean time, get some rest. As i was trying to nap, Jaison was calling family members and not even 15 minutes into me trying to rest, I told Tera that I was feeling pressure. She asked, “are you sure because if I check, it could hurt you.” I told her that it’s okay and to go ahead and check. Good thing she checked, because I was fully dilated and the baby was ready to come out. The nurse called the doctor quickly and since she was going to be a preemie, the NICU crew was in there as well. I felt like I had an audience for this birth and I barely had room to keep Jaison by my side. Jaison was busy on the phone with family and didn’t realize what was happening until I kindly told him to come over (in my memory, I said it nicely but he claims otherwise. All I kept saying was, “keep him by my head, keep him by my head, don’t let him go down there, he’ll pass out!”)
The doctor came and had to break my water. (Unfortunately for the nurses and doctor, it was equivalent of sitting first row at the dolphin show in Sea World.) She was walking me through on how to push. First couple pushes later, on the third one, she said push as hard as I can so I did. And in one big push, on June 23rd at 3:21 am, our whole world changed. (They tell you its not like the movies and things don’t happen that fast but I’d argue that) They placed her on my chest for what seemed like less than 2 seconds and whisked her away to the NICU. Who knew at that moment that the next time i’d hold my baby without being hooked up to monitors, would take 2 months. (To those that made it to the end of this post, my next post will cover the life of a NICU parent).
Let us know what you think of our story! Sorry if this was a lot of rambling but feel free to ask us questions! If any of you are going through a tough time getting pregnant, or go through miscarriages or end up being NICU parents, please feel free to reach out to of us! We have plenty of thoughts on what to do and what not to do. (Or you simply want a listening ear and don’t really want any advice, we are here for that too.)
Oh, you’re probably wondering, what did we name her? Daya Marie Roy. Daya means to be kind and compassionate in our language and in the kind of world that we live in, as parents, if we only teach one thing to her, we certainly hope and pray it’s that.